I am sick to my stomach from playing in this crazy game of politics.
we are living paradoxes and we will not see that people admit this, or think that they have to do something about it. when someone thinks their action does not meet in a better result what will they do? they will stop trying. they get tired and will not do anything when you see no value in any action, you see the deceit behind every action, you see what they are selling behind what they are showing. and you simply not buying it. well from this point on, nothing ever good happens to that person. how can they compromise with the deceit? until you deceive yourself into believing that there is a compromise, to simply not point many things out since it will uncomfortable us. yeah that's it. otherwise by this point we as a human race, could build an institution of truth that would radio broadcast: "we are failing, we are stupid, we should go backwards". amid breaking scientific and technological advancements, still we are baffled by our interaction and will always misjudge situations, make things worse for one another and ourselves. we are good at waking up and going to work for somebody else for a bit of money, and will spend our life ruining ourselves and our family by doing that job as well.
by this point you probably asked yourself what my deal is, whose side am I on? i am on my own side I guess, cause no one else seems to be bothered by this. how is this normal that humans have to tell lies all the time? and the fact that I cannot interact with them anymore in a helpful and constructive way, because all they say spewing lies and deceit at each other. and I have to accept and act as if nothing is wrong. following unwritten rules just to not get banished and left alone penniless? then what? nothing is more great than death and you cannot beat it. I know there are simpler reasons to live for, but over all I also have this view. i hate the way this reality works and I hate that it feels hopeless to do anything against it or for it. or maybe this is another lazy excuse to not taking any responsibility and all of that shit. yeah, it is probably that. i may project myself unto the world but I've seen people from close distance and I observed them good, real good. they are constantly lying to themselves. and it's not in our hand. i am probably lying about something as well. that's why I prefer to just not say anything because everything I said has been said before and there is no need to repeat yourself. but maybe here is my problem that I don't see what I do or say is important or will affect others. that's why I spew things myself. you can't open your mouth without disclaiming yourself. then why open at all?
maybe I should open my mouth and talk more or say more, if someone thinks I'm a bit too much of a talker, I can change the channel, they can too, we can talk to different people, maybe that way everyone gets some bits of me and no one gets fed with my shits ever.
these days since I want to exercise my writing skills, even though it doesn't mean I always come up with new things to say but rather it's repeating myself for different people. writing letters to each other. sometimes I get disinterested quickly but I want to stick to it as much as I can. doing something disciplinary is always good and it's positive habit builder.
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