our environment literally shapes us.
Imagine living in a small space: you want to work out, but you can't, and you can't even stretch comfortably.
you can go outside and do all that and what you did was changing an environment that does not serve you well anymore. any circumstance can serve us well and teaches us who we are to ourselves and to others and how to be better or different than who we are now, while we're alone we don't understand and feel our mistakes. only when we're around other people we learn how to communicate what to say and what not to say. being lonely for a long time makes you want to talk about anything and everything without realizing who you're talking to. when you spend time with other people for a short amount of time, it means you are living together or at least spending time together. why not spending time around good people, good air, good nature, good scenaries?
I remember scenes from the countries I've been this year so far. scene from Georgia, Armenia, and Norway, then I think about the time I spend in my own country.
good scenes, bad scenes, horrible memories, good ones too. then I think about why I think this way? does it depend on my mood? that I think about certain good or bad subjects. Does it depend on my happiness or sadness? when I think about the nature of my country, or the terrible things I experienced in my country. well the latest memories I have from there were getting shot and being betrayed by blood more than a few times. I am glad I am far away from all the old troubles and I should make sure I don't make new ones. those were imposed to me and I don't need to let them in my life again like that. although I should remember the good things I would do for myself even in those bad situations and remember that situation has changed now. things got better but I got worse, that's the dilemma.
why did I put myself in front of the bullet? because of the previous mental hardships?
because I couldn't feel happiness anymore like probably so many people in that country and we wanted to move and feel free again and boy we did. we felt the freedom to the core that night. for the first time I felt my fate is in my own hands and no one else's and I didn't want to be around friends to cause trouble for them. I didn't want to be there to do nothing. I wanted to participate and soon I became one of the leaders who'd chant and others would answer after me. it was the greatest feeling so far I had until that moment. to lead real people and know what to say and want the same thing as others. the feeling of sympathy or maybe empathy we had for each other was immense and it wasn't comfortable all the time.
People would look at me to see who I am, and I had a ski mask like others, so no one could really tell who's who. everyone's wearing black jacket and black pants and those who wore colorfully, would be picked out from afar. they would turn off the street lights so the protesters cannot see where they are going. this is most useful against us when they close distance or use fear tactics like tear gas or gunmen on motorcycles who would shoot directly at us at flee the scene. but we were the most fearless bunch, tear gas was a commodity and people wouldn't be afraid of it that much anymore. it was terrible, it makes you cry and your tears burns your skin that it touches.
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