Life outside the country and inside the country

 living life outside the country is a bit different. I am completely thrown out of my comfort zone of our family house, my clothes, my medications, and my daily entertainment which wsn't much and consists mostly of watching, going to bike riding once in a while and to the mountains. that was it. and I hate it for the most parts, like being forced to meet family members. that was the most hated part and I'm free of that here. they wanted to talk to me on the phone when I was here and I stopped it by not answering their calls. all of the things happening was something to make me forget about what is important in life. and what is important in life you ask? doing something worthwhile, about myself and my future. it can be anything, making something. creating something. doing something. going toward a purpose in life. if you look at it like that maybe it'll become easier to decide what should be done. seeing new places, museums, art galleries for starters, joining a workshop, finding out hidden places in the new city, and talking to interesting people. it all can be good reasons to live for. can't it? well if you start doing them but I don't see myself being able doing all these things.
I can't socialize very well with new people which haunts me so much. why can't I be happier, more joyful? I think to myself maybe this is also something that comes from my past. I feel I betray them by being happy and outgoing and I have to be reserved and grumpy to be counted as a good boy. well at least I know it. I overthink everything and it stops me from doing actual actions.

and I will change that. I will put good news and updates about my decisions in here.

Why is smokin'

 You wanna know why some people want to smoke and can stand the smell of it and it's disgusting to others. well those who've seen, heard, or said the most unimaginable, disgusting things, then nothing will bother them and they will come to peace with things like the smell of burned stuff. this is what is familiar to them, somehow in some ways, that they've become not something smarter or stronger but resilient towards whatever will come in their way.

p.S.: what is the border between playing with words for the heck of it and talking grammatically correct? what say you? can be seen as strange, or unfamiliar but it has some beauty to it, don't they?

p.S.S.: this Dansk song Rest in Beats is good: Rest in Beats - Fugle kan do
https://t.me/MusicOfTheSpheres/3256

Drunken morning wailer

 you're free how to put it, but life is going on without us.

you're free how to put it, but life in Iran feels like Peak Soviet Union era. I haven't lived through that time, but I can feel its coldness.

war is on the street, on the market, on the greengrocer shops, on the streets.

we don't have guns, we have our eyes, we have our cold, passive, piercing aggressive behavior that penetrates everyone and backed up by no one. there is no reason for its existence. it IS because of the circumstances.

my problem with reality was gluing yesterday to today and to tomorrow and the tomorrows that comes after, but this was never the problem, only an anxiety issue or source for becoming unease and troublesome. but not a true danger that I was running away from it so badly.

I am not sure what am I talking about, I am drunk.

forever stale

 Maybe I am slow, maybe I am lame, maybe I am unable! to whatever you say, that may be. no objections.

they pushed me to this point, what should be my objections to this? start from minus degrees to put myself together to tell myself you're not nothing, which wasn't a case in the first place!

that's why people and society are BS. they learn stupid stuff from each other, would think that is the only truth in the world that they need to follow and they pass it on to the next generation and the next generations to come to let them learn we are unable to do anything so let's just keep the bare minimum and don't risk so this bare minimum also gets taken. this mentality of victimhood even at its extreme that you will do drastic things to say that you're not incapable, you are unable. that people appeasements. this is a collective thinking  problem and not until when everyone wants to be clever and act selfish only to make himself stay longer. instead of helping others who are fighting against these mentalities, some people still do stupid shits and they learn from each other. monkey sees, monkey does. This generation of abused people, help other abusers, enable them to remain in their positions longer. when you think you're actions don't have any bigger impacts, think twice and see how you are working and feeding of a system that is essentially abusing you and other people. this dilemma is what others have passed and so many remained stunned in their positions and do what they've been asked to do. that's the miserable life they have.

Time does not have wings (not a children's story)

 Time does not fly,

your perception of it, does.

you can keep track of it and you'll see how efficient it can be. how precise and how on point it will be.

keep track of your time, and take your fate in your hands. lose it and lose your present and the future.

you don't need to do things the way it makes you uncomfortable but if it's necessary to do, find a way to make it bearable, or amusing or interesting and awaken your curiosity again.

when I have an appointment, and there is no time to waste, I understand the value of time and if we are caring about it we should know even those times that we are wasting, sometimes seems to be just an excuse to be on wrong again and not get blamed for it. I mean, what's the reason behind it? I'm not saying what is better to do and what's not, or what's worth doing and what's not. I'm saying if we're just doing everything for fun, we'll go nowhere, but if for example we play games and we persist on getting really good at it, it gives us a reason to live for and that's what we need all the times during our lifetime. it's not a matter of being 15 and doing this, you can be at any age and still believe in yourself and try to get better at your games, that alone can give you a reason to take care of your time and yourself and can also bring a lot of rewards and take you somewhere that you wouldn't even imagine it.

What's intelligence? what's not?

and intelligence is information, information is connection, connection makes people find each other and become one or two or another commune. there's a cycle going on, not run by governments as much as they love to be in control of what's happening and have the fate of the people in their hands and laugh like an Evil villain while their face is shadowed behind them over the walls. but if you see if from god-view or  hawk-eye view you see that people give out intelligence while getting intelligence themselves. there is a give and take kind of situation which at the end of course the people will pay the highest price with their lives and those in power always takes all the benefits one way or another. it's like if you want to stay off-grid and don't use the electricity that comes from the government power-station, buying solar panels or generators, you still gonna buy those devices from them and you're still bound to get loan from them to pay them their own money. it's a bit complicated I know but trust me, the only thing that shouldn't happen at any costs is to stop being effective. stop thinking that your actions won't matter because you're one. be sure that other ones will follow you and come after you. you just need to keep believing in your mean and persist on it, whatever you feel is your fate or you want to become. never stop grinding. jeez, turned out a motivational speech.

the answer to your question: everything is.

How's life over there?

 the society today, becomes more closed up than ever before. people are avoiding each other to stay out of trouble. we're in a time, where everything costs money, and people are on edge. country becomes sectioned into different power groups, and everyone wants to get something out of this, because all of them think they were the most dedicated and devoted buddies in thick and thin. old pals of the sharks want something out of all this. there are fast and hasty construction building's going on, again because that's how they can guarantee a bit of money for themselves while they're milking the lasts of the country's resources. sell it all cheap to china, who cares? sell out the soils while you're at it. oh you've been doing it for decades now? okay then, I can't think of any crimes that the government hasn't committed, and yet we swear allegiance to it to keep it safe and sound. or at least we don't think we need to do something about it. anything. we don't believe in anything now, we just want to survive another more day and that's it.