it's getting colder everyday and the desire in me to go out is also fading away. each day I plan for an event, a solo short but sweet hike on a nearest mountain. keep thinking to these tasks overwhelms me and therefore I stop doing anything useful and will get busy to games or YouTube. at best I put on some music and workout for some 1-2 minutes. looking and finding or making something to eat and this is how day goes. in the meantime I try to grow 3 lemon seeds and some mushroom spores directly into the soil which was rinsed with boiled water and today I feed the pot with some sugar water solution.
mark & stamp - 0756
Mi.
I finally moved my skinny ass, stood up, got ready and went out on a hike in a remote place out of the city. most of the ride was on the bus or in a crowded, moist and damp with no fresh air. I wanted to explore a new place but I could go to a better place. in any case, there was moments that I enjoyed and recorded on a video and took some pictures as well. despite all of this movements I hadn't find a craving for food.
day of tomorrow - 0309
Do.
wow, it has been a year since the sentences above. Since that time, I bought a bike and I am much happier because of that I go out much more and socialize more, hence I can be a better version of myself, also moving, stretching, pushing, and pulling don't go well with depression and if one thing can push it away that is doing some sorts of action and movement.
I am a bit confused and lost about my future and what to decide. stay and be patient? wait a bit longer? or risk my life a bit for new opportunities and possibilities.
I should quit every poison that I use but I don't know what to do instead of it. maybe going out when the urges come, going for a bike ride can clear my body and soul.
Di. 30.04.23